Vintage: Hallmark, 2016
Hallmark-approved summary: When the mayor hires a handsome landscaper to cut down a small town’s beloved oak tree, Aimie takes it upon herself to try and save it – by chaining herself to it. As the landscaper attempts to wait her out, the two find that the tree brings them more than they could’ve imagined in life and love.
Actual Summary: When you can’t feel your feelings, feel a tree.
Cast member prestige: [Claps hands] This cast list is exciting for two reasons! 1) It gives this humble blog its first instance of Hallmark Overlap, as BOTH of our leading players were featured in other films previously reviewed. Our female lead is played by Ashley Williams (Poppy from October Kiss), and our male lead is played by Trevor Donovan (Patrick the hulk-esque lawyer from Love, Fall & Order). 2) The dignified supporting role of Aimie’s Mom is played by actual actress Marilu Henner. Like, the one from Taxi. She is in this movie for a sum total of approximately 10 minutes. I do not understand.
Hallmark Man does Hallmark job: Kyle Sorenson used to work at a bank in the big city, but wearing a suit and tie made him “feel like a prisoner” so he started his own construction and carpentry company and now he’s free.
Action:
First things first: we need to talk about Aimie. I have about 47 different narratives in my head, each of them more elaborate than the last, detailing the path of circumstances that somehow led someone to be like: “Yeah, I know her name is Amy… and I know no one watching the movie will ever see her name in written form... but hear me out… what if we spelled it like THIS.”
We open on Aimie, a community organizer, sitting at her desk in the Ample Hills Parks and Recreation office, cheerfully checking items off of a “to do” list. She and her colleague have been tasked with encouraging Ample Hills tourism by launching a new website to coincide with the opening of the town’s fall harvest festival in two weeks. They’re having trouble coming up with a good slogan, so Aimie takes a break to go check in on one of her [apparently numerous] pet projects, a charity market obnoxiously named the Farm Fresh Food Fair.
At the market, Aimie chats with a vendor who expositions/mansplains that Aimie spends too much time on do-goodery and not enough time on dudes, saying she would be happier if she had someone to share her life with. Aimie chirps in response: “But I do share my life with someone… everyone in this town!” She merrily skips along to find her mom on the other side of the market, but before she can get there she encounters an unfamiliar Blond Hallmark Man who is just standing there, staring at a large tree in the middle of the town center. Aimie is like: you lost? And Hallmark Man says nope, he’s just admiring this “beauty” of a tree. To which Aimie says:
“She’s not just beautiful -- she’s got brains too. As trees go, she passes the Bechdel test.”
WHAT.
Aimie introduces herself to the man, Kyle, who says he is just in town for a job. They shake hands, agree that the tree is indeed impressive, and then Aimie is off again, on her way to say hi to her mom, Marilu Henner. Mom and her friends, coincidentally, are also talking about the Bechdel Test Tree, specifically how the mayor has just this week ordered for it to be cut down. Aimie is shocked and appalled! Not the tree! It’s so big and so old, and also provides meaningful roles in film for women and girls! Aimie says she’s going to go give the mayor a piece of her mind.
Aimie storms into Mayor Parker’s office, where she is told that because the tree’s roots have been wreaking havoc on municipal plumbing lines, the tree has become a liability to the community. “That tree IS our community,” Aimie shoots back. They bicker. Mayor Parker: “My decision is firm!” Aimie: “Well so is my resolve!”
Later that evening, Aimie is typing on her laptop in a coffee shop and up walks Kyle. They greet each other, make semi-flirty small talk, and he asks her what she’s working on. She tells him that she’s trying to find out who the dastardly mayor has hired to cut down her beloved tree. Sheepishly, Kyle reveals it’s him. Demolishing that tree is the work he’s in town to do. Aimie’s lady-boner disappears. They argue. Aimie’s all: but you said the tree was cool, you liar. Kyle says: “The tree is causing problems for the town; I was hired to fix those problems.”
Aimie leaves and proceeds to spend the night fretting and obsessing. We know this because we see her wake up the next morning at her desk, with like three hairs out of place.
Across town, Marilu Henner has a 30-second scene in a bank, applying and being rejected for a second mortgage on her house. We learn that this financial distress is something she is keeping secret from her daughter.
Speaking of Aimie, when we next see her she is bustling about downtown handing out a giant stack of colorful flyers to community members on the street, inviting them to a rally to help save the tree. “Hey,” she says to an elderly man after literally grabbing him by the arm. “You like old things! Come help me save the oldest thing in town.” WTF, Aimie. Kyle walks up while Aimie is handing out her flyers and sasses, “Pretty ironic, you handing out paper to save a tree.” Aimie is like THESE ARE MADE OF CORN HUSKS, CHAD.
I looked it up. Corn husk paper is a thing, but it’s like $10 for 5 sheets on Etsy and it looks like this:
Guess what? Nobody comes to Aimie’s rally except for Marilu Henner. When the mayor shows up and sees the empty room he is extremely gloaty, and Aimie stomps off. Marilu Henner follows her outside to talk. “Aimie, I know your history with the tree,” she says. “I get why it’s important to you. It’s been two years since your dad died and you haven’t even started dealing with your grief.” Marilu Henner thinks that Aimee should take the passion she applies to the causes she supports and direct it to her “real life.”
The next day, at the coffee shop again, Aimie is filling out paperwork to make the tree a historical landmark when her best friend comes by to help. Unnamed best friend tells Aimie that the reason no one came to her rally is that they felt they were being guilted into it. If Aimie wants community buy-in, she needs to make people feel like their voices, and choices, are important. So… Aimie decides to ambush people walking downtown to interview them about how much they love the tree. Which seems insane and obtrusive to me, but a) everyone seems fine with it, and b) everyone has extremely detailed tree-related memories, good lord. Aimie gathers the stories, prepares visual aids, and calls a SECOND rally. People show up in a literal parade for this one, and they shout their way into Mayor Parker’s office.
Mayor Parker is like “There are protocols!” The people are like “We don’t care! Treeeeeee!” But the mayor says the tree is costing the town an arm and a leg and must be cut down tomorrow. Aimie keeps on shouting, encouraging everyone to email, call, write letters. They march out, full of righteous anger. Aimie gets an idea.
The next morning, Kyle is at the tree, directing his work crew. Aimie rolls up with chains. “You wanna cut down this tree,” she announces, “you have to cut through me.” She locks herself to the tree and then climbs on up, saying she won’t come down until the tree is declared a historical landmark. Various community members show up to ask her what she needs. Some people offer food. Others offer to bring materials to build a treehouse. Aimie starts enlisting people to be “treesitters” -- people who can sit there in her place so she can go spread the word. (And, once presumes, pee.)
Marilu Henner - why are you in this? Do you need help? Blink twice if you need help.
Later in the day, some townsfolk have dropped off treehouse construction materials and Aimee climbs down to begin hammering things. Kyle is there and offers pointers. “I just can’t stand poor craftsmanship,” he snots. She continues to work, and a couple of hours later she has completed… a platform, which she somehow transports up into the crook of the tree. She settles down, in it for the long haul. But so, apparently, is Kyle; he pitches a tent under the tree and starts munching on an apple, offering one to Aimie. She climbs down to join him for a snack and an amiable chat. Kyle tells Aimie about his passion for nature, for working with his hands. “How can you love the outdoors so much and want to cut down this beautiful old tree?” Aimie whines. “I was hired to do a job,” Kyle replies. “And that’s all that matters?” retorts our heroine, oblivious to the concept of privilege.
In the morning, Marilu Henner shows up to be a treesitter so that Aimie can pop in at City Hall, where she learns that the Mayor has received so many pro-tree phone calls that he has scheduled a town hall meeting! Aimie is thrilled. She needs to go home and shower, so Kyle offers to give her a ride. While Aimie’s showering, Kyle waits downstairs and peeks at the family photos on the walls, most of which feature Aimie and her late father gazing lovingly at one another. When she comes down, Kyle comments on how close Aimie and her dad look in the photos. Aimie says “I was lucky.” Kyle tells her to “feel what she needs to feel.” Aimie is not having it. “Get me to City Hall,” she deflects.
Abort, Aimie, abort! The town hall meeting is a trap! It’s time to start but Mayor Parker is late, and Aimie stands nervously at a conference table with a bunch of townspeople behind her. The door opens, Aimie looks up, and… it’s Marilu Henner! Who’s supposed to be chained to the tree! Marilu Henner, you had one job. Aimie freaks out and runs to the tree, where she finds Kyle there with his work crew, preparing to chop. Aimie climbs back up the tree. Kyle calls off his crew. “Pack it up fellows,” he says “False alarm.”
Later, Marilu Henner shows up at Mayor Parker’s office, feeling guilty that Aimie had to run out on the meeting because of her mistake. She starts spouting tree history to the mayor, telling him that Aimie and her dad used to have lunch under the tree every week. She asks the mayor to reschedule the town hall.
That night, Aimie is up in the tree, wallowing, while Kyle sits below and invites Aimie to take a night off and go out to dinner with him. Aimie’s like “nice try,” and Kyle says “I figured you might say that. What if I bring the night off to you?” Then he flips a switch and the tree lights up with a million fairy lights and there’s a table with a vase of flowers and a tablecloth on it and somehow all of this has gone unnoticed by the grown woman who hasn’t left the tree for hours. Aimie says that she can’t; her chain won’t reach that far.
Kyle says, [emphasis mine] “That’s ok. I HAVE EXTRA CHAINS IN MY TRUCK.”
They sit down to dinner. Aimie tells Kyle about all her memories of her dad, and how he taught her to always fight for what’s right. “Losing this tree would be like losing him all over again,” she says. Kyle has an idea. “What if we could move the tree from this spot?” He has a friend who transplants trees, and he’ll give him a call.
Aimie loves this idea -- so much, in fact, that she grabs a passing elderly woman, chains her to the tree in Aimie’s place, and runs to Mayor Parker’s home [at night!] to tell him about it. The mayor has lots of practical questions about cost, time, etc. Aimie has no answers.
The next morning. Aimie wakes up back in her tree, smiling, but the smile fades when she sees Kyle sitting below with bad news. Turns out that his friend says the tree is too big and too old, and the root system too extensive, to be moved. Aimie is discouraged.
Marilu Henner calls Aimie and asks to meet up downtown. She reveals the secret she’s been keeping: that she got way behind on house payments after Aimie’s dad passed away, and now the bank wants to foreclose. Aimie wants to help, but Marilu Henner says she doesn’t want to burden her.
Cut to City Hall. Aimie shows up at Mayor Parker’s office and, out of nowhere, asks him to hire her mom for his open receptionist position. The mayor is, rightfully, belligerent. But Aimie says she’ll make it worth his while: she’ll drop the tree thing if the mayor gives her mom the job. And it works! Marilu Henner is employed!
Aimie heads back to the tree to pack up her chains, and Kyle’s like “what’s going on?” Aimie tells him “you won” and then explains what’s happening. She tells Kyle that she has no hard feelings; she knows he has a job to do and she understands.
Mom reports to the mayor’s office for training. Mayor Parker calls Kyle and barks, “We're all clear; cut it down!”
But wait! Now KYLE is chained to the tree! He’s lounging on the treehouse platform, and Aimie is like “what are you doing,” and Kyle is like “I don’t want to see you lose.” He says he bought her some time with the Mayor. Aimie says she’s going to try to find a way to make everyone happy. She runs off to brainstorm.
Back at the office, Aimie and her colleague spend all night staring at some giant blueprints. “If we can't move the tree, can we move the pipes?” Aimie muses.
Now, daylight, back at the tree. Mayor Parker is realreal mad, yelling at Kyle and threatening to fire him before storming away. Marilu Henner shows up and brings donuts for Kyle. Kyle asks Marilu Henner’s permission to ask Aimie out on a date. Marilu Henner blurts out “Will you give me grandchildren?” (which he answers in the affirmative, because Hallmark) and then gives her blessing.
And now here comes Aimie to save the day! She calls everyone in the community, Mayor Parker included, to come meet her at the tree, where she launches into a jubilant speech unveiling her plan. Which is… to dig up the pipes and run them...above ground. “Pipes can move, and we can change them into a work of art.”
Can I get, like, an engineer to weigh in here? Kim, are you reading this? Wasn’t your first grad degree in urban planning?
Anyway, Mayor Parker is like “what will this cost?” But Aimie says she “stayed up all night and crunched the numbers” (ok) and then proceeds to solicit from her neighbors, asking them to pledge cash money to save the tree. She herself starts out by pledging $100, and other people fall in line.
Oh, and in the middle of all this, Kyle asks Aimie out. She says yes and then kisses him on the cheek. According to Hallmark terms, this probably gets her pregnant.
Flash forward: It’s the Fall Harvest Festival, which if the first scene of the film is to be believed is only, like, two weeks later, but whatever, now there are giant burgundy and orange pipes arranged “artfully” around the tree, and there’s a townwide photo opp happening right in front of the whole thing, and Kyle and Aimie are smack in the middle, kissing.
“Way to ruin the photo, bro,” says my ten-year-old.
Rating: 6 of 10 pumpkins for Marilu Henner and nobody else. Warning for so many questionable health and safety decisions.
Hallmark-approved summary: When the mayor hires a handsome landscaper to cut down a small town’s beloved oak tree, Aimie takes it upon herself to try and save it – by chaining herself to it. As the landscaper attempts to wait her out, the two find that the tree brings them more than they could’ve imagined in life and love.
Actual Summary: When you can’t feel your feelings, feel a tree.
Cast member prestige: [Claps hands] This cast list is exciting for two reasons! 1) It gives this humble blog its first instance of Hallmark Overlap, as BOTH of our leading players were featured in other films previously reviewed. Our female lead is played by Ashley Williams (Poppy from October Kiss), and our male lead is played by Trevor Donovan (Patrick the hulk-esque lawyer from Love, Fall & Order). 2) The dignified supporting role of Aimie’s Mom is played by actual actress Marilu Henner. Like, the one from Taxi. She is in this movie for a sum total of approximately 10 minutes. I do not understand.
Hallmark Man does Hallmark job: Kyle Sorenson used to work at a bank in the big city, but wearing a suit and tie made him “feel like a prisoner” so he started his own construction and carpentry company and now he’s free.
Action:
First things first: we need to talk about Aimie. I have about 47 different narratives in my head, each of them more elaborate than the last, detailing the path of circumstances that somehow led someone to be like: “Yeah, I know her name is Amy… and I know no one watching the movie will ever see her name in written form... but hear me out… what if we spelled it like THIS.”
We open on Aimie, a community organizer, sitting at her desk in the Ample Hills Parks and Recreation office, cheerfully checking items off of a “to do” list. She and her colleague have been tasked with encouraging Ample Hills tourism by launching a new website to coincide with the opening of the town’s fall harvest festival in two weeks. They’re having trouble coming up with a good slogan, so Aimie takes a break to go check in on one of her [apparently numerous] pet projects, a charity market obnoxiously named the Farm Fresh Food Fair.
At the market, Aimie chats with a vendor who expositions/mansplains that Aimie spends too much time on do-goodery and not enough time on dudes, saying she would be happier if she had someone to share her life with. Aimie chirps in response: “But I do share my life with someone… everyone in this town!” She merrily skips along to find her mom on the other side of the market, but before she can get there she encounters an unfamiliar Blond Hallmark Man who is just standing there, staring at a large tree in the middle of the town center. Aimie is like: you lost? And Hallmark Man says nope, he’s just admiring this “beauty” of a tree. To which Aimie says:
“She’s not just beautiful -- she’s got brains too. As trees go, she passes the Bechdel test.”
WHAT.
Aimie introduces herself to the man, Kyle, who says he is just in town for a job. They shake hands, agree that the tree is indeed impressive, and then Aimie is off again, on her way to say hi to her mom, Marilu Henner. Mom and her friends, coincidentally, are also talking about the Bechdel Test Tree, specifically how the mayor has just this week ordered for it to be cut down. Aimie is shocked and appalled! Not the tree! It’s so big and so old, and also provides meaningful roles in film for women and girls! Aimie says she’s going to go give the mayor a piece of her mind.
Aimie storms into Mayor Parker’s office, where she is told that because the tree’s roots have been wreaking havoc on municipal plumbing lines, the tree has become a liability to the community. “That tree IS our community,” Aimie shoots back. They bicker. Mayor Parker: “My decision is firm!” Aimie: “Well so is my resolve!”
Later that evening, Aimie is typing on her laptop in a coffee shop and up walks Kyle. They greet each other, make semi-flirty small talk, and he asks her what she’s working on. She tells him that she’s trying to find out who the dastardly mayor has hired to cut down her beloved tree. Sheepishly, Kyle reveals it’s him. Demolishing that tree is the work he’s in town to do. Aimie’s lady-boner disappears. They argue. Aimie’s all: but you said the tree was cool, you liar. Kyle says: “The tree is causing problems for the town; I was hired to fix those problems.”
Aimie leaves and proceeds to spend the night fretting and obsessing. We know this because we see her wake up the next morning at her desk, with like three hairs out of place.
Across town, Marilu Henner has a 30-second scene in a bank, applying and being rejected for a second mortgage on her house. We learn that this financial distress is something she is keeping secret from her daughter.
Speaking of Aimie, when we next see her she is bustling about downtown handing out a giant stack of colorful flyers to community members on the street, inviting them to a rally to help save the tree. “Hey,” she says to an elderly man after literally grabbing him by the arm. “You like old things! Come help me save the oldest thing in town.” WTF, Aimie. Kyle walks up while Aimie is handing out her flyers and sasses, “Pretty ironic, you handing out paper to save a tree.” Aimie is like THESE ARE MADE OF CORN HUSKS, CHAD.
I looked it up. Corn husk paper is a thing, but it’s like $10 for 5 sheets on Etsy and it looks like this:
Guess what? Nobody comes to Aimie’s rally except for Marilu Henner. When the mayor shows up and sees the empty room he is extremely gloaty, and Aimie stomps off. Marilu Henner follows her outside to talk. “Aimie, I know your history with the tree,” she says. “I get why it’s important to you. It’s been two years since your dad died and you haven’t even started dealing with your grief.” Marilu Henner thinks that Aimee should take the passion she applies to the causes she supports and direct it to her “real life.”
The next day, at the coffee shop again, Aimie is filling out paperwork to make the tree a historical landmark when her best friend comes by to help. Unnamed best friend tells Aimie that the reason no one came to her rally is that they felt they were being guilted into it. If Aimie wants community buy-in, she needs to make people feel like their voices, and choices, are important. So… Aimie decides to ambush people walking downtown to interview them about how much they love the tree. Which seems insane and obtrusive to me, but a) everyone seems fine with it, and b) everyone has extremely detailed tree-related memories, good lord. Aimie gathers the stories, prepares visual aids, and calls a SECOND rally. People show up in a literal parade for this one, and they shout their way into Mayor Parker’s office.
Mayor Parker is like “There are protocols!” The people are like “We don’t care! Treeeeeee!” But the mayor says the tree is costing the town an arm and a leg and must be cut down tomorrow. Aimie keeps on shouting, encouraging everyone to email, call, write letters. They march out, full of righteous anger. Aimie gets an idea.
The next morning, Kyle is at the tree, directing his work crew. Aimie rolls up with chains. “You wanna cut down this tree,” she announces, “you have to cut through me.” She locks herself to the tree and then climbs on up, saying she won’t come down until the tree is declared a historical landmark. Various community members show up to ask her what she needs. Some people offer food. Others offer to bring materials to build a treehouse. Aimie starts enlisting people to be “treesitters” -- people who can sit there in her place so she can go spread the word. (And, once presumes, pee.)
Marilu Henner - why are you in this? Do you need help? Blink twice if you need help.
Later in the day, some townsfolk have dropped off treehouse construction materials and Aimee climbs down to begin hammering things. Kyle is there and offers pointers. “I just can’t stand poor craftsmanship,” he snots. She continues to work, and a couple of hours later she has completed… a platform, which she somehow transports up into the crook of the tree. She settles down, in it for the long haul. But so, apparently, is Kyle; he pitches a tent under the tree and starts munching on an apple, offering one to Aimie. She climbs down to join him for a snack and an amiable chat. Kyle tells Aimie about his passion for nature, for working with his hands. “How can you love the outdoors so much and want to cut down this beautiful old tree?” Aimie whines. “I was hired to do a job,” Kyle replies. “And that’s all that matters?” retorts our heroine, oblivious to the concept of privilege.
In the morning, Marilu Henner shows up to be a treesitter so that Aimie can pop in at City Hall, where she learns that the Mayor has received so many pro-tree phone calls that he has scheduled a town hall meeting! Aimie is thrilled. She needs to go home and shower, so Kyle offers to give her a ride. While Aimie’s showering, Kyle waits downstairs and peeks at the family photos on the walls, most of which feature Aimie and her late father gazing lovingly at one another. When she comes down, Kyle comments on how close Aimie and her dad look in the photos. Aimie says “I was lucky.” Kyle tells her to “feel what she needs to feel.” Aimie is not having it. “Get me to City Hall,” she deflects.
Abort, Aimie, abort! The town hall meeting is a trap! It’s time to start but Mayor Parker is late, and Aimie stands nervously at a conference table with a bunch of townspeople behind her. The door opens, Aimie looks up, and… it’s Marilu Henner! Who’s supposed to be chained to the tree! Marilu Henner, you had one job. Aimie freaks out and runs to the tree, where she finds Kyle there with his work crew, preparing to chop. Aimie climbs back up the tree. Kyle calls off his crew. “Pack it up fellows,” he says “False alarm.”
Later, Marilu Henner shows up at Mayor Parker’s office, feeling guilty that Aimie had to run out on the meeting because of her mistake. She starts spouting tree history to the mayor, telling him that Aimie and her dad used to have lunch under the tree every week. She asks the mayor to reschedule the town hall.
That night, Aimie is up in the tree, wallowing, while Kyle sits below and invites Aimie to take a night off and go out to dinner with him. Aimie’s like “nice try,” and Kyle says “I figured you might say that. What if I bring the night off to you?” Then he flips a switch and the tree lights up with a million fairy lights and there’s a table with a vase of flowers and a tablecloth on it and somehow all of this has gone unnoticed by the grown woman who hasn’t left the tree for hours. Aimie says that she can’t; her chain won’t reach that far.
Kyle says, [emphasis mine] “That’s ok. I HAVE EXTRA CHAINS IN MY TRUCK.”
They sit down to dinner. Aimie tells Kyle about all her memories of her dad, and how he taught her to always fight for what’s right. “Losing this tree would be like losing him all over again,” she says. Kyle has an idea. “What if we could move the tree from this spot?” He has a friend who transplants trees, and he’ll give him a call.
Aimie loves this idea -- so much, in fact, that she grabs a passing elderly woman, chains her to the tree in Aimie’s place, and runs to Mayor Parker’s home [at night!] to tell him about it. The mayor has lots of practical questions about cost, time, etc. Aimie has no answers.
The next morning. Aimie wakes up back in her tree, smiling, but the smile fades when she sees Kyle sitting below with bad news. Turns out that his friend says the tree is too big and too old, and the root system too extensive, to be moved. Aimie is discouraged.
Marilu Henner calls Aimie and asks to meet up downtown. She reveals the secret she’s been keeping: that she got way behind on house payments after Aimie’s dad passed away, and now the bank wants to foreclose. Aimie wants to help, but Marilu Henner says she doesn’t want to burden her.
Cut to City Hall. Aimie shows up at Mayor Parker’s office and, out of nowhere, asks him to hire her mom for his open receptionist position. The mayor is, rightfully, belligerent. But Aimie says she’ll make it worth his while: she’ll drop the tree thing if the mayor gives her mom the job. And it works! Marilu Henner is employed!
Aimie heads back to the tree to pack up her chains, and Kyle’s like “what’s going on?” Aimie tells him “you won” and then explains what’s happening. She tells Kyle that she has no hard feelings; she knows he has a job to do and she understands.
Mom reports to the mayor’s office for training. Mayor Parker calls Kyle and barks, “We're all clear; cut it down!”
But wait! Now KYLE is chained to the tree! He’s lounging on the treehouse platform, and Aimie is like “what are you doing,” and Kyle is like “I don’t want to see you lose.” He says he bought her some time with the Mayor. Aimie says she’s going to try to find a way to make everyone happy. She runs off to brainstorm.
Back at the office, Aimie and her colleague spend all night staring at some giant blueprints. “If we can't move the tree, can we move the pipes?” Aimie muses.
Now, daylight, back at the tree. Mayor Parker is realreal mad, yelling at Kyle and threatening to fire him before storming away. Marilu Henner shows up and brings donuts for Kyle. Kyle asks Marilu Henner’s permission to ask Aimie out on a date. Marilu Henner blurts out “Will you give me grandchildren?” (which he answers in the affirmative, because Hallmark) and then gives her blessing.
And now here comes Aimie to save the day! She calls everyone in the community, Mayor Parker included, to come meet her at the tree, where she launches into a jubilant speech unveiling her plan. Which is… to dig up the pipes and run them...above ground. “Pipes can move, and we can change them into a work of art.”
Can I get, like, an engineer to weigh in here? Kim, are you reading this? Wasn’t your first grad degree in urban planning?
Anyway, Mayor Parker is like “what will this cost?” But Aimie says she “stayed up all night and crunched the numbers” (ok) and then proceeds to solicit from her neighbors, asking them to pledge cash money to save the tree. She herself starts out by pledging $100, and other people fall in line.
Oh, and in the middle of all this, Kyle asks Aimie out. She says yes and then kisses him on the cheek. According to Hallmark terms, this probably gets her pregnant.
Flash forward: It’s the Fall Harvest Festival, which if the first scene of the film is to be believed is only, like, two weeks later, but whatever, now there are giant burgundy and orange pipes arranged “artfully” around the tree, and there’s a townwide photo opp happening right in front of the whole thing, and Kyle and Aimie are smack in the middle, kissing.
“Way to ruin the photo, bro,” says my ten-year-old.
Rating: 6 of 10 pumpkins for Marilu Henner and nobody else. Warning for so many questionable health and safety decisions.
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