Vintage: Hallmark, 2018
Hallmark-approved summary: When pilot Zoey Hathaway inherits her uncle’s reindeer farm in Alaska, her plans to sell the place and buy her own plane go out the window after she meets the handsome ranch hand, Alec Wynn, along with the place’s resident reindeer.
Actual Summary: I was promised a reindeer farm.
Cast Prestige: This is our third - count ‘em, THIRD - Ashley Williams joint, after October Kiss and Love on a Limb. Ashley Williams is truly a gift for all seasons. Starring opposite Ashley in this film is a gentleman named Corey Sevier, whose most interesting role to date appears to have been playing Timmy in the Canadian reboot of Lassie in the 90s.
Action:
We open in an airport, where Zoey, a commercial airline pilot who dreams of owning her own charter plane, has just landed a flight. Arriving home later after work, Zoey opens some mail, frowns at it, and calls her mom. The letter, as it turns out, has informed Zoey that probate just closed on the Alaska ranch her Uncle Gus left to her upon his recent passing. Zoey is sad, she tells Mom, because she would rather have Uncle Gus than the ranch, but she’s going to fly to Alaska later in the week to sign paperwork and take one last look at the ranch before putting it on the market.
With that pesky exposition out of the way, then, we jump to Alaska: specifically the small Alaska town where Zoey was raised. Zoey heads straight to her uncle’s attorney’s office to sign the necessary paperwork. While there, Zoey’s like “know any good realtors?” and the lawyer, I’m not kidding, flips over her little “Attorney at Law” desk plaque to show us the other side, which reads “Realtor.” Oh. Got it. It’s not just a small town, it’s a Hallmark Small Town ™.
So the lawyer/realtor takes Zoey out to the ranch. Zoey expositions that Gus and Ida, the late owners, were like grandparents to her. They used to plant a Christmas tree on the property for every year they were married, and now the ranch is covered with them. Zoey and lawyer/realtor briefly visit the ranch’s two onsite reindeer, Holly and Palmer, and, like, the whole reason I picked this movie to watch is the reindeer farm concept, so I have to say that in my opinion, TWO reindeer does not a reindeer farm make.
Anyway.
Alec, the man hired (and paid in advance) by Gus to be the ranch caretaker, suddenly speeds up on his motorcycle. Zoey happily squeals “Oh, so great to meet you,” but Alec is gruff: “I don’t mean to be blunt, but are you staying or selling?” When Zoey says “selling,” Alec is like “ok” and bolts.
Next morning: Alec shows up first thing, banging on the front door and ordering Zoey to get dressed so he can show her how to feed the reindeer. Zoey tries to make friendly conversation but Alec basically grunts “a scoop of pellets 2x a day” and then tries to peace out. Zoey follows him out, all “where are you going? You’re paid through the winter!” But he hands her an ENVELOPE OF CASH (cold) and says “Now that you’re here, it’s time for me to move on.”
Then he proceeds to go complete asshole on her, unloading a tirade about how Gus and Ida poured everything into the ranch, and they left it to you, and now you’re just going to sell it to any old random person. Zoey protests that her uncle would have wanted her to have the money so she could buy her own plane, but Alec shoots back, obnoxiously, “Are you sure about that? Holly and Palmer deserve a good home.” WHAT.
Zoey, for some reason, begs him to stay on, saying that they can sell the ranch as a team. She’ll give him input on any potential buyers she’s considering, along with 10% of the profits on the sale. He’s like - you don’t even know me. And she says: “Gus trusted you.” He agrees: it’s a deal. This movie is strange.
The next day, Alec makes some quick repairs while Zoey decorates the house for Christmas before the lawyer/realtor shows up with their first potential buyers: a wealthy couple who want the ranch to use as a vacation home.
[My 14-year-old, astutely: Let me guess, they are going to hate the reindeer.]
The couple immediately declare the decor “dated” and announce that they would want to change the barn from reindeer home into a space for their snowmobiles. [Check.] Alec glares at them and then takes the reindeer out for a walk. Once the potential buyers are gone, Alec yells at Zoey: “I thought we wouldn’t sell to just anyone!” Zoey makes a Christmas Shame face.
Then, Zoey has an idea to attract their perfect buyer: resurrect the beloved Christmas festival that Uncle Gus used to host on the ranch every year. She posits that doing so would help them spread the word about the ranch being on the market and would help potential buyers see its unique magic. Alec agrees, but there’s one problem: they only have a week to make it happen before Christmas!
Oh no! Palmer the reindeer escaped from the ranch and is hanging out down at the town’s small airstrip, causing a flight delay. Zoey and Alec go rescue him. Alec says that this has happened several times recently; Palmer keeps returning to this same spot, but Alec has no idea why. The owner of the airstrip hits Zoey with a fine, since it’s a repeat offense.
Back at the ranch, Zoey and Alec decorate all of Gus and Ida’s Christmas trees with hundreds of colored lights. They chat while they work. Zoey laments that she misses being up in the sky, and Alec admits he’s never flown. They bond over childhood dreams -- him, photography, and her, flying.
Hey, funny you should mention flying: the owner of the local airstrip/charter company calls Zoey first thing the next morning and asks her if she can fill in for a last minute postal delivery flight. Alec gives her a ride to the airstrip on his motorcycle. Since there are multiple stops on the delivery flight, the owner says, Zoey will need a helper to unload packages. She asks Alec to help, enticing him with the promise that he can take pictures from the plane. Alec is afraid to fly, but agrees. By the end of the day, he is a full-fledged fan. The deal is sweetened when, on their way back to the airstrip that evening, they see the Northern Lights from the plane.
Back at the ranch the next day, lawyer/realtor calls: a boutique hotel firm wants to take a look at the property. Zoey’s dubious but lawyer/realtor says it might be their last bite before spring. Zoey takes the meeting. The reps from the boutique hotel firm give her a powerpoint presentation on their plans, which include setting up multiple bungalows on the property and (gasp) cutting down all of Gus and Ida’s Christmas trees to clear a better view. Zoey says nope, the trees are a dealbreaker. The hotel reps say they will look into options for preserving the trees somehow, and will come back with a revised offer.
The airstrip calls. Palmer got out and is hanging out and delaying flights again. There’s a plane circling and it can’t land. Alec and Zoey rush to the rescue and find Palmer… and another reindeer. Palmer! A rendezvous? The other reindeer’s owner shows up and is like “Sadie! Bad reindeer!” The reindeer owners chat and learn that Palmer and Sadie came from the same… reindeer place? Farm? Store? I don’t know if it matters, it’s just that we’re supposed to understand that they know each other and have been meeting up at the airstrip, and Zoey can’t bear to separate them and then we cut to the ranch where we learn that Zoey has brought Sadie home with her. Did the other guy just… GIVE her his reindeer? Do reindeer get loaned out? None of this makes any sense.
Anyway, now it’s the day of the festival and Zoey’s parents have showed up to surprise her. The centerpiece of the festival is a barn dance, where Alec’s photographs from their delivery flight have been hung all over the walls. Alec and Zoey dance, then go outside and go for a walk among the Christmas trees. They start to kiss, but are very awkwardly interrupted by the lawyer/realtor and the boutique hotel rep, who is back AND has discovered the magic of Christmas. She coos “This event is so great - I want to make it an annual event!” Lawyer/realtor says the hotel rep has made a new offer, one that will maintain all the Christmas trees, and that they should meet to talk it over in the morning. Alec and Zoey are conflicted. Later, Zoey talks with her mom, admitting that she thought she knew where her life was headed, but now she loves the ranch. “I love my reindeer,” she weeps.
In the morning, Zoey goes to meet with the realtor/lawyer. On the way she runs into multiple townspeople, all of whom greet her exuberantly by name and engage her in conversation on the sidewalk. She is charmed by this and I know we are meant to understand that this is Aspirational Small Town Coziness, but I have to be honest and tell you that this would be my hellscape. She walks into the office and realtor/lawyer is like “here’s your contract to sign” and Zoey is like “Nope, I’ve decided to keep it. Sorry to waste your time.” Coulda been a phone call, Zoey.
She hurries back to to tell Alec but -- oh no -- he’s gone! We know this because he left her a note, written in hilariously childlike handwriting, which reads: “Zoe, thank you for everything, I will never forget you.”
At a gathering that evening on the ranch, Zoe announces that she would like to open the ranch as a B&B. Everyone is excited. Then Alec shows up at the door. He’s had second thoughts about leaving. “I’m always running off seeking the next adventure,” he says, “but what if the next big adventure is you and me starting a life together?” Zoe tells Alec she’s keeping the ranch and they kiss.
Rating: Three of ten Christmas trees, one for each measly minute of reindeer footage we were allotted. Warning for false advertising and a plot that just generally makes even less sense than usual.
Hallmark-approved summary: When pilot Zoey Hathaway inherits her uncle’s reindeer farm in Alaska, her plans to sell the place and buy her own plane go out the window after she meets the handsome ranch hand, Alec Wynn, along with the place’s resident reindeer.
Actual Summary: I was promised a reindeer farm.
Cast Prestige: This is our third - count ‘em, THIRD - Ashley Williams joint, after October Kiss and Love on a Limb. Ashley Williams is truly a gift for all seasons. Starring opposite Ashley in this film is a gentleman named Corey Sevier, whose most interesting role to date appears to have been playing Timmy in the Canadian reboot of Lassie in the 90s.
Action:
We open in an airport, where Zoey, a commercial airline pilot who dreams of owning her own charter plane, has just landed a flight. Arriving home later after work, Zoey opens some mail, frowns at it, and calls her mom. The letter, as it turns out, has informed Zoey that probate just closed on the Alaska ranch her Uncle Gus left to her upon his recent passing. Zoey is sad, she tells Mom, because she would rather have Uncle Gus than the ranch, but she’s going to fly to Alaska later in the week to sign paperwork and take one last look at the ranch before putting it on the market.
With that pesky exposition out of the way, then, we jump to Alaska: specifically the small Alaska town where Zoey was raised. Zoey heads straight to her uncle’s attorney’s office to sign the necessary paperwork. While there, Zoey’s like “know any good realtors?” and the lawyer, I’m not kidding, flips over her little “Attorney at Law” desk plaque to show us the other side, which reads “Realtor.” Oh. Got it. It’s not just a small town, it’s a Hallmark Small Town ™.
So the lawyer/realtor takes Zoey out to the ranch. Zoey expositions that Gus and Ida, the late owners, were like grandparents to her. They used to plant a Christmas tree on the property for every year they were married, and now the ranch is covered with them. Zoey and lawyer/realtor briefly visit the ranch’s two onsite reindeer, Holly and Palmer, and, like, the whole reason I picked this movie to watch is the reindeer farm concept, so I have to say that in my opinion, TWO reindeer does not a reindeer farm make.
Anyway.
Alec, the man hired (and paid in advance) by Gus to be the ranch caretaker, suddenly speeds up on his motorcycle. Zoey happily squeals “Oh, so great to meet you,” but Alec is gruff: “I don’t mean to be blunt, but are you staying or selling?” When Zoey says “selling,” Alec is like “ok” and bolts.
Next morning: Alec shows up first thing, banging on the front door and ordering Zoey to get dressed so he can show her how to feed the reindeer. Zoey tries to make friendly conversation but Alec basically grunts “a scoop of pellets 2x a day” and then tries to peace out. Zoey follows him out, all “where are you going? You’re paid through the winter!” But he hands her an ENVELOPE OF CASH (cold) and says “Now that you’re here, it’s time for me to move on.”
Then he proceeds to go complete asshole on her, unloading a tirade about how Gus and Ida poured everything into the ranch, and they left it to you, and now you’re just going to sell it to any old random person. Zoey protests that her uncle would have wanted her to have the money so she could buy her own plane, but Alec shoots back, obnoxiously, “Are you sure about that? Holly and Palmer deserve a good home.” WHAT.
Zoey, for some reason, begs him to stay on, saying that they can sell the ranch as a team. She’ll give him input on any potential buyers she’s considering, along with 10% of the profits on the sale. He’s like - you don’t even know me. And she says: “Gus trusted you.” He agrees: it’s a deal. This movie is strange.
The next day, Alec makes some quick repairs while Zoey decorates the house for Christmas before the lawyer/realtor shows up with their first potential buyers: a wealthy couple who want the ranch to use as a vacation home.
[My 14-year-old, astutely: Let me guess, they are going to hate the reindeer.]
The couple immediately declare the decor “dated” and announce that they would want to change the barn from reindeer home into a space for their snowmobiles. [Check.] Alec glares at them and then takes the reindeer out for a walk. Once the potential buyers are gone, Alec yells at Zoey: “I thought we wouldn’t sell to just anyone!” Zoey makes a Christmas Shame face.
Then, Zoey has an idea to attract their perfect buyer: resurrect the beloved Christmas festival that Uncle Gus used to host on the ranch every year. She posits that doing so would help them spread the word about the ranch being on the market and would help potential buyers see its unique magic. Alec agrees, but there’s one problem: they only have a week to make it happen before Christmas!
Oh no! Palmer the reindeer escaped from the ranch and is hanging out down at the town’s small airstrip, causing a flight delay. Zoey and Alec go rescue him. Alec says that this has happened several times recently; Palmer keeps returning to this same spot, but Alec has no idea why. The owner of the airstrip hits Zoey with a fine, since it’s a repeat offense.
Back at the ranch, Zoey and Alec decorate all of Gus and Ida’s Christmas trees with hundreds of colored lights. They chat while they work. Zoey laments that she misses being up in the sky, and Alec admits he’s never flown. They bond over childhood dreams -- him, photography, and her, flying.
Hey, funny you should mention flying: the owner of the local airstrip/charter company calls Zoey first thing the next morning and asks her if she can fill in for a last minute postal delivery flight. Alec gives her a ride to the airstrip on his motorcycle. Since there are multiple stops on the delivery flight, the owner says, Zoey will need a helper to unload packages. She asks Alec to help, enticing him with the promise that he can take pictures from the plane. Alec is afraid to fly, but agrees. By the end of the day, he is a full-fledged fan. The deal is sweetened when, on their way back to the airstrip that evening, they see the Northern Lights from the plane.
Back at the ranch the next day, lawyer/realtor calls: a boutique hotel firm wants to take a look at the property. Zoey’s dubious but lawyer/realtor says it might be their last bite before spring. Zoey takes the meeting. The reps from the boutique hotel firm give her a powerpoint presentation on their plans, which include setting up multiple bungalows on the property and (gasp) cutting down all of Gus and Ida’s Christmas trees to clear a better view. Zoey says nope, the trees are a dealbreaker. The hotel reps say they will look into options for preserving the trees somehow, and will come back with a revised offer.
The airstrip calls. Palmer got out and is hanging out and delaying flights again. There’s a plane circling and it can’t land. Alec and Zoey rush to the rescue and find Palmer… and another reindeer. Palmer! A rendezvous? The other reindeer’s owner shows up and is like “Sadie! Bad reindeer!” The reindeer owners chat and learn that Palmer and Sadie came from the same… reindeer place? Farm? Store? I don’t know if it matters, it’s just that we’re supposed to understand that they know each other and have been meeting up at the airstrip, and Zoey can’t bear to separate them and then we cut to the ranch where we learn that Zoey has brought Sadie home with her. Did the other guy just… GIVE her his reindeer? Do reindeer get loaned out? None of this makes any sense.
Anyway, now it’s the day of the festival and Zoey’s parents have showed up to surprise her. The centerpiece of the festival is a barn dance, where Alec’s photographs from their delivery flight have been hung all over the walls. Alec and Zoey dance, then go outside and go for a walk among the Christmas trees. They start to kiss, but are very awkwardly interrupted by the lawyer/realtor and the boutique hotel rep, who is back AND has discovered the magic of Christmas. She coos “This event is so great - I want to make it an annual event!” Lawyer/realtor says the hotel rep has made a new offer, one that will maintain all the Christmas trees, and that they should meet to talk it over in the morning. Alec and Zoey are conflicted. Later, Zoey talks with her mom, admitting that she thought she knew where her life was headed, but now she loves the ranch. “I love my reindeer,” she weeps.
In the morning, Zoey goes to meet with the realtor/lawyer. On the way she runs into multiple townspeople, all of whom greet her exuberantly by name and engage her in conversation on the sidewalk. She is charmed by this and I know we are meant to understand that this is Aspirational Small Town Coziness, but I have to be honest and tell you that this would be my hellscape. She walks into the office and realtor/lawyer is like “here’s your contract to sign” and Zoey is like “Nope, I’ve decided to keep it. Sorry to waste your time.” Coulda been a phone call, Zoey.
She hurries back to to tell Alec but -- oh no -- he’s gone! We know this because he left her a note, written in hilariously childlike handwriting, which reads: “Zoe, thank you for everything, I will never forget you.”
At a gathering that evening on the ranch, Zoe announces that she would like to open the ranch as a B&B. Everyone is excited. Then Alec shows up at the door. He’s had second thoughts about leaving. “I’m always running off seeking the next adventure,” he says, “but what if the next big adventure is you and me starting a life together?” Zoe tells Alec she’s keeping the ranch and they kiss.
Rating: Three of ten Christmas trees, one for each measly minute of reindeer footage we were allotted. Warning for false advertising and a plot that just generally makes even less sense than usual.
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